If you take the time to choose a gift specifically for them, it tells them that you really know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it has such an impact on them. A person with physical touch as the main language of love feels love through physical affection. In addition to sex, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm or massages them at the end of the day, for example. This person`s idea of a perfect date might involve cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie. They just want to be physically close to their partner. Your love language can also change. It is important to accept and expect that the languages of love may change over time, especially in the face of life`s stressors or big changes like having children. Now that you know the 5 languages® of love, you should have a good idea of which one is your main language. Let`s see what you have to say about yourself! Chances are you did. Because the concept – first developed by counselor and pastor Gary Chapman, unpacked in a series of books, and taken up by many others – is widely used. The five languages of love refer to the five simple ways we want love to be shown to us and the ways we show love to others. Make a deliberate effort to have a Zoom coffee with colleagues you`ve missed or take remote walks with your in-laws.
Put a good old-fashioned phone call with your best friend on the calendar every week or schedule an evening of internal appointments with your partner or spouse – no phones or distractions “I`m only going to turn on the TV for a second”. Nothing says “I love you” better in quality contemporary language than the fact that they are the only thing on your agenda. We all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical contact. These are called “love languages” – a concept developed by Dr. Gary Chapman during his many years of work as a marriage counselor. Fast forward to the present, almost 30 years after the book`s publication. As popular as the concept is, many people have since pointed out problems with the languages of love. Some people may use the love language theory as a kind of personality test, despite the fact that Chapman`s point is that we should adapt to our partner`s love language and not demand that he use ours. If physical contact is your partner`s main love language, they will feel unloved without physical contact. They want to feel around you, not only emotionally, but also physically. All the words and gifts of the world will not change this. Here are some tips for meeting people with any love language: gifts don`t have to be expensive or elaborate; It is the thought that counts.
Even something as simple as a homemade card or a few cheerful flowers will communicate your love to your spouse. Small things mean a lot to a person whose main language of love is to receive gifts. The book that sparked the new way of thinking about love, Dr. Gary Chapman`s The 5 Love Languages®, was written in 1995 and has recently become more popular. But what exactly are the five languages of love and what do they mean? You may be in a relationship with someone who doesn`t share your love language. Try to be understanding and open. You can recognize and appreciate your partner`s actions, even if they don`t fit perfectly with your own language. The premise is simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. Dr. Chapman called these ways of expressing and receiving love “The 5 Languages of Love®.” He even wrote a bestseller about it.
Your partner might have acts of service as their main language of love if their motto is, “Actions speak louder than words.” The premise of The 5 Love Languages™ is quite simple: different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to recognize these preferences in yourself and your loved ones, you can learn to identify the root of your conflicts, connect more deeply, and truly draw closer. Holding hands, kisses, hugs and other touches are your favorite way to show and receive love. Proper touch conveys warmth and safety, while physical neglect can drive a wedge between you and your partner. Surprisingly, their answers fell into five different categories, revealing a unique approach to how to effectively love another person. “Words of affirmation” are the expression of affection through spoken words, praise or appreciation. If it`s someone`s primary love language, they love kind words and encouragement, uplifting quotes, love notes, and sweet text messages. You can shape that person`s day by complimenting them or highlighting what they do well. Instead, you need to turn off the TV, put down the magazine, look into your partner`s eyes, listen and interact. For your spouse, 20 minutes of all your attention – listening and entertaining – is like a 20-minute recharge of their love tank.
I am a relationship researcher, and although I have not empirically studied the concept of love languages, other academics have. Some of the published studies confirm the validity of love languages and show that they can increase people`s relationship satisfaction and longevity. “People whose love language receives gifts like to receive something that is both physical and meaningful. The key is to give them meaningful things that are important to them and reflect their values, not necessarily yours,” says Mahmud-Syed. You love each other, don`t you? So why do they always feel like they`re not on the same page? Maxine`s primary love language is acts of service (not words of affirmation), and although her husband David loved her, he had never learned to express his love in a way that made her feel loved. After David and I spoke and read the five languages of love, he understood the picture and began to speak Maxine`s language of love. In less than a month, her love tank began to fill up, and their marriage went from winter to spring. While learning the languages of love helps many people communicate better with their partners, there are limits to the theory and how people apply it to their relationships. What many people don`t understand is that for some people, receiving gifts is their main language of love. This is what makes them feel most deeply loved. If you are married to someone whose primary love language is gift giving, you will make your spouse feel loved and appreciated by giving gifts on birthdays, vacations, birthdays, and “no opportunity” days. The love language of physical touch can often be confused with purely sexual language.
But in fact, it`s more about intimacy. For people with this love language, nothing is more effective than physical contact with their partner. They don`t necessarily like over-the-top PDAs, but they feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc. Hughes JL, Camden AA. Use Chapman`s theory of five-love language to predict love and relationship satisfaction. PsiChiJournal. 2020;25(3):234-244. doi:10.24839/2325-7342.jn25.3.234 Those of us whose language of love is gifts are not necessarily materialistic. Instead, their tanks are filled when someone presents them with a certain thing, material or intangible, that helps them feel special. Yes, really, it`s the thought that counts. Your partner`s love language may not be the same as yours.
When couples have different primary love languages, there are inevitably misunderstandings. However, if your partner learns to speak your love language (and you, yours), they will likely feel loved, valued, and ultimately happier in the relationship.